On the edge.

Feeling on the edge of insanity, almost wishing to fall over it. I think a lot of people have felt that way at some point. I feel that way sometimes, especially when I'm lacking enthusiasm or need an excuse to remain passive. You find yourself wishing you really were bat-fucking-nuts because then you'd have an excuse. Well maybe everyone has their own moments of insanity, and maybe it is just a part of life. It still does not get any more comforting each time.

An overflow of impressions that I need to absorb is what triggers it in me. Reminding me of all psychological loose ends, things I should've said in the past but didn't, things I keep trapped inside. The overflow causes an extra measure of cabin pressure, and things almost start slipping out, but I don't let them. Each time though, they get closer. At some point everything must get out. And I want it to.

It is easy to antagonize life. I know, because it is what I've spent most of my life doing. I'm still doing it, but I hope to break that habit, although I feel I'm constantly given new reasons to continue the same way, a sort of paranoia. After all, when life is not fair to you, you aren't always fair to life either.
Instead of dealing with the sources of your anger or depression, you punish your life. You give up hope, you don't embrace what you have. But I have to be fair to myself, not just in the negative way. I can't only punish myself, especially not for things I am not the cause of. The feeling that some unknown entity has been placing tripwire everywhere I go doesn't help me.
I have epiphanies in the evening that I reject in the morning. Forgetting myself, and doing that forgetting everyone else.

I do not need to stop thinking, but I need to stop overthinking.

And now I'll literally dive (no pun intended) into Bioshock. I've been playing it a bit and I'm thoroughly immersed in it so far, but I can't say anything final until I've pushed a bit further.
If blasting the heck out of an oversized brute clad in strange underwater equipment and armed with a enormous drill is not entertaining, I don't know what is.