Still resting after what has by far been one of the more chaotic weekends of my life. Appreciating a slow pace as I look at the darkness and listen to a bit of music. Might play a bit of Guitar Hero ... seriously fun even though I'm still shite at it.

And yeah, I've created a second blog for myself... where I'll write stuff differently. Soon it'll be time to "mourn" the Winter and see if Spring can make a better effort because seriously, this kind of extended Autumn just won't do...

What is wrong about Winter? Well, what the fuck isn't? Maybe it's just the stupid monotony that gets to me, or maybe.... well, the birds obviously don't give a shit and left us ages ago except for the few stupid ones that thought adapting to our weather was a good idea. And this time around there's not even any snow to brigthen the spectrum of colours, which consists mostly of grey.

Oh, and I was told that someone was actually reading parts of this blog and enjoying it, which baffles me unless that person for some reason was reading some of the earlier posts and actually liked the overabundantly depressive tone. Between boring descriptions of what games I've been playing or books I've been reading and the occasional depressive rant, I don't really post anything interesting here, and if anything fundamentally interesting happened in my life, it probably wouldn't go here anyway.

Which made me think the other day about creating a second blog, something which I've been considering before, for essay purposes, because IF someone is possessed with the idea to read what I'm writing, at least they'll have more to read than the self-pitiying manifestations of my average state of mind.

The new semester has begun, even though I guess I'll be studying something different in half a year's time. Still, I might as well get as much out of it as I can if I can manage to ignore the really boring parts. I'm just generally glad to be back at the university, seeing some people, even if it tends to feel a little isolated, which is partly my own fault.

Going to a psychologist seems to be the thing to do now, and my first impression was generally good. Talking to a councellor with a sense of humour really makes a difference, and hopefully she can help me make a little order of my mess of a mind.

Well, just a quick update, as anything else on this blog, mostly just to myself.

Oh yesh, and Sweeney Todd is cool

Stagnation?

Life contains many a shiny turning point, indeed. For the positive people out there the turning points tend to be "Oh, what a fascinating turn of events that made my day very interesting" and some of the rest of us, they're more like "Of fuck, I was a moron yesterday and the preceding years, how can I stop being a moron even if tomorrow I'll still think I am".

For all it's worth, that consideration seems bloody useless because the you of tomorrow won't be any less a git then the you of today because you're having forced scruples about the kind of person you are as if it were a universal imperative that whenever you spot the slightest flaw in yourself you are bound to make yourself change fundamentally as a person.

Well, fuck it.

Anyway, the exam has been over for more than a week, and here I am contemplating what to do with my overabundance of time even though I have a nauseating amount of means to alleviate my burden of boredom. Wisely managing to keep from playing Planescape: Torment too much, lest every moment of my spare time is sucked into utter oblivion, I've instead unwisely decided to spend way too much time playing Team Fortress 2, which, while it's jolly good fun, makes me feel guility because I could've been a lot more productive doing other things.
I've been playing some Sam and Max as well, and some Dawn of War, but honestly I feel like I'm a little drained at the moment. I can't even muster the will to read a good book, and that's seriously bad. I guess I will recover eventually, but it's still a bit annoying.
Bleak outlooks aside, I'm kinda looking forward to getting Gears of War for my PC, which I ordered recently. Even though it's probably not what you'd call intellectually stimulating, but heck I'm making myself sound like some pretentious dude whose head is stuck up his own arse.

I actually know what's making me so bloody fucking melancholic right now. I finishing watching the last part of a playthrough of Daikatana. While the game was horrible, the commentary was great, and it kinda saddens me that there's no more of it.

Good night at any rate.

There's no reason, so relax.

Any lack of motivation I've ever had before an exam pales in comparison to my current state of mind, which is somewhere between absolute oblivion and desperate hysteria. I woke up in the morning with a mind to set my books on fire and pay their collective authors a visit armed with a dull chainsaw and the soundtrack to A Clockwork Orange.

Now, using every possible means of procrastination available to me, I've started playing Planescape: Torment again because some obscure part of my mind concluded that seeing as I'm nearly dead due to dazzling amounts of monotonous text, I needed to pick up the most elaborately dialogue-ridden item in my procrastination arsenal, even if Infinity Engine graphics, which may once have been seen as God's gift to the art-craving intelligent computer gamer, now look like poorly executed stop-motion movie. And that's more of a comment on the ludicrous speed with which graphics engines have improved since then, even if dialogue, plot continuity and common sense had to suffer for it. So maybe you're in control of the same generic muscled macho-hero-type as always, but at least he's in sparkling 3D! And in some cases not so sparkling even while the rest of the game (not mentioning any names) is a pile of fly-ridden crap.
Speaking of which, I recently played the old Wolfenstein 3D again, and if anything it taught me how little it took to impress me when I was a little kid. I mean, you're looking at craptabulously monotonous level design and artwork that makes modern art look passable. The Nazis were in fact so evil that they build elaborate labyrinth prisons of funkily dark blue rocks inside which skeletons lay all over the place as decoration, and no staff room was complete without multiple portraits of Hitler and large Swastika banners. And the occasional "Achtung!" and "Verboten!" posters everywhere. At least the developers had a sense of humour, which probably can't be said about most of the people who willingly put their names in Daikatana's credits. Or maybe Daikatana's developers had a sense of humour, but it takes a very sick mind to appreciate it.

Take a closer look at this if you're in a masochistic mood or on LSD: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2647120

I think that's enough stalling for now. Back to revision .... or some more Team Fortress 2...?

P.S. If you see this man, run away